A confession

If everything was it should be,

We would be together,

Just you and me,

I wish I could melt your heart,

Show you how much you mean to me,

I wish you would trust me and know that I never want to hurt you or loose you,

The emptiness I feel without you will never be filled by any other ,

Its as if you exist to complete me,

I am hypontised by every move u make,

Every word u speak,

Your words pour into me,

Stay trapped in my heart as a little piece of heaven ....

Love me without fear

Trust me without wondering

Love without restrictions or demand

Accept me as I am....

And I if get the chance

I will spend the rest of my life proving that it was worth it all

I love you and I loved you all along

I missed you; you 've been far away far too long

I keep dreaming you will be with me

That I wake up by your side

These dreams are sweet that reality seems so slow....

When I tell you I love you I dont say it out of habit or to make a conversation

I say it to remind you that you are the best thing that ever happened to me

I and the only one I care about so deeply as this what I would give to be in your arms

To feel your lips pressed once more against mine

What reason is there to smile if there is no you,

If you....promise me you will be here forever ,

I will give you everything,

If you promise me you will never leave me

I will get on my knees,

I will give you all of me,

Coz without you is where I wanna be,

In the darkness of the night I long for us to be together,

Our bodies so close they could be one,

Sharing kisses between our warm trembling lips,

Holding each other as if the world might end,

I would rather die tomorrow,

Than live a thousand years without you by myside and heart,

I cant imagine a tomorrow without you,

When my today was the worst day of my life,

Till you called and told me that you loved me,

What lies behind us,

And what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us,

Soul meets on lovers lips,

If I know what love is,

Its because of you,

The only way you could hurt me if you broke my heart and told me I never loved u anyway,

You are my world as I am your angel,

Just that know that in distance I love you when we are together

I love you; my heart belongs only to u till the end of time..

You are my perfect heaven ,

My only wish,

All I need,

My everything,

Let go, take the fall, if it meant to be it will be worth all,

So push me against the wall and kiss me like you mean it,

I will never go let go I will always love you, now and for all eternity...

Philosophy and love II

Different spiritual teachings claim we cannot learn to love. Unconditional love simply is. But its important to know the dimension of reality to let go of our 'conditioning' enough to allow love's emergence and manifestation through us. This surely does not happen overnight, nor least to say without preparation, intent or action.

It is amazing though when the phases of intrigue are over and some of the glamor has faded away,many a time we find ourselves setting the stage for a hasty separation, feeling trapped without being able to get out, deadening ourselves with the relationship we cannot cope with. Maybe, that person was never meant to happen. That blocks the possibilities of future and better aspects because as "moving on" becomes difficult and elements like trust, faith and belief linger around the shadows of variance.

Cultivating ourselves once again to sow the harvest in a fruitful way, to take that one step forward on a path of heart brings all factors with it. We become more immune to the bites of others-not through blocking our perception but in observing and accepting human nature as it is; Seeing into our own being and into others too. The ability to see into each other without any hindrances in between...

When all is said and done, Let go of the natural power of our defenses to experience a organic folding of our love, a shift which HAS to take place in the psyche.Clarity of perception and spiritual, physical and emotional strengths from that special someone form a trinity of experience which could be one of the greatest gifts life has given us.

Some say dreams are what they are, 

Emotions take both near and far, 

They say the heart is a burning place,

 Like love knows many ways..  

Dreams can hold the truth inside,

Hint you toward good things you may hide,

Yet dreams are what they are, 

A truth as eternal as a shining star..  

Yet I found you through my dreams, 

To me they were true so it seems, 

Because I believed of a future once again more than the screams..

Do you too?

                                                                                                                               To be continued..

Philosophy and love - I

Philosophy has been a subject of great interest to me since my 'yester' years. Love in any form has effected/affected us all, being human beings with something coined as 'emotions'. It is amazing to find a root connection of almost every minute detail happening around us deeply grounded in philosophy in some form or the other.

Over the years, I have always pondered what groups the two terms symmetrically. This is my summation so far:

Ever since the inception of the universe, the earth and human beings in particular, various spiritual teachings have radiated unlimited, rather unconditional love from the very core from which life radiates. Every single day, we are faced with situations of crisis- natural, physical, emotional, authoritarianism and its attendant power struggles. Yet, beyond all these, lies within us, at least I think, the invisible energy of 'authentic' love to each other and the world around us.

As part of a cultural transformation happening all around us, representatives from different walks of life are experiencing a convergence of dramatically disturbing images. All in the cloud of unknown...Probability is a beautiful scientific wonder...

It is a reflection of our incompleteness which makes us think what love actually is and other people don't. We all feel we know how to love and at the same time become mastered by the passions of anger, pride, deceit and envy. We are self-satisfied in our terms of love and yet we cling to attributes of stinginess, vindictiveness and self-deadening. We claim we are honest when expressing our likelihood/love for someone and yet practice seductiveness and denial. We make high minded statements about enlightenment and still remain seemingly incapable of opening hearts out of what exactly we feel for the ones closest to us.

On a subliminal level of awareness, many carry wounds from having constricted forms of love from others. It becomes a mental challenge from the emotional patterning which might be irregularly shaped and rooted due to bad encounters. The need to be liked/loved remains probably one of the greatest unspoken, yet pressing dynamics throughout our live span. I would say extricating ourselves from this imbalance would be to a still higher and more importantly, comprehensive dimension of experience.

And we as triad along this path, we are moving backward in our egocentric selves and also moving forward simultaneously. We, slowly, but gradually, recondition ourselves from the protective mechanisms and barriers. Sometimes, we crystallize ourselves, sometimes we strengthen.

"Made to dream of flying,

So high!

Made to wake up crying,

I don't know why..

It remains love on Planet earth,

Waiting on the air for some re-birth,

Wish for what it is, it was worth..."

To be continued..

When someone cries...

The first sight of a baby crying brings so many emotions with it at the same time..the cry of innocence in particular...as a child, you cry and whine for a candy bar and that means the world to you..as a teenager, you cry when you realize your high school sweetheart left you for somewhere else..when you read the love story that 'moved' your emotions..as a young man, you realize there is something more that you need and you long for companionship, many a time life-long...

With companionship and growing up, the degree of complexity of sadness increases..which is but natural..I guess..Ways of expressing feelings change drastically..as a child, we express our feelings openly not lamenting about what the world will think..as a grown-up, you tend to be inert toward many things, a phrase coined as maturity and also suppress our emotions to be made public.

Crying gives vent to some while brings out the best and worst in the others...it clears your eyes and maybe even the heart and soul...compared to its cousin- smiling/laughing, it always been in the Satanic shadow, but sometimes thats also important. A question in relation that many asked me and even today which struck my mind. Does crying heal your wounds and make you feel better?The answer is debatable and subject to definite approvals.

Both are an integral part of someone's life, in some cases the balance being irregular. But I guess thats what we are born with, something which we know as fate or destiny, if any.

"You and I were looking at old pictures yesterday,

Sitting in disbelief at how time slips away,
Both at a loss for words to say, who knew we'd never be younger than today?"

Part of my random thoughts-a wonderful experiment.

Lack of effective communication

I thought I will continue writing about my confusion at a later time and a later post. But I really wanted to address, rather express my opinions about one effective tool which all human beings are blessed with - Communication.

Since the primitive ages and throughout the evolution of mankind, human beings have progressed increasingly and for the betterment in general. Tools of communicating increased effectively till today where all around the world, we have so many different languages, cultures, people, dialects..styles and ways of living attributes..

Yet, I think one of the primary reasons for a 'civilized' misunderstanding ( thats because we don't live in a century of barbarism ) is the lack of effective communication. I see it everywhere around me, even with me and fail to understand why is it so difficult to put across certain facts, issues in a precise and detailed manner.

We all take classes while in our college years on methods and devices of 'effective' communication.We use them everyday in our lives. We learn since childhood, in any particular language across a particular demographic setting that we were born in, how to put our thoughts across in a clear and precise manner. But why is that whenever it comes to relationships, whether friendly, sometimes even professional ( I cite this from personal experience ) and especially romantic, everything is difficult?

We might not intend to put across exactly that thought to the other person but during the translational phase, many a time, some major thoughts are lost while some redundant ones added. While it might start off as trifle, it tags along the potential of ending up as a major disaster and a situation of crisis. I see this happening everywhere around me, even with my family, particularly as of now and I fail to convince them enough that the truth involved is a matter of variance and is highly relative in nature.

The question now comes to my mind. What is true communication?Telling your significant others how much you care and love for them (n+1) times a day?What you had for lunch?How much of a painstaking effort it is to tolerate your colleagues at workplace?Since we are not celluloid people, most of the time we don't have the most interesting of lives, considering a day-to-day basis. Over the years, this is what I think.

Communication does not stand a stranded one-way street on a deserted night. Flow of thoughts must come in without any friction both ways. I mean I could sit down the entire day and tell her how much I like her and about where this relationship might be going. But it is also important to listen to the other person and what phase of mind/current value (A term used in finance used frequently and I think it fits the subject line here ); without which, maybe everything would be a futile experiment. Many a time, knowingly or unknowingly, we get too involved with ourselves to allow anyone else to 'invade' into our thoughts.

Another thing which I have picked up over the years is the art of listening and hearing people out..not the half truth,but the complete one. Personally, I think its even more important than talking things out. It is very important to voice your opinions and what you think about the entire matter, but its equally important to let them give you an equal shot on their thought process as well.

Solving issues many a time is a collective process rather than on an individual front. We get so engrossed on what is wrong with the other person that instead of solving complexities together, we end up doing it ourselves turning a deaf eye, which, in turn, most often, does not turn to be too good..

No one is perfect. I look at myself and see how many flaws are deeply engraved inside me..some of which I can change, some even if I try, I cannot, because thats how I have just molded as a person at the age of 23...everyone else does too..Its important to pay attention to detail, but bringing the minutest of things into notice is not often the best of choices because what follows after those tiny granules build up is -CHAOS.

I cite this example from one of my best friends throughout. He knew this girl ever since they were born probably and if ever in life I came across a 'Cinderalla-dream love story-come true', that would be the two of them . As in any relationship, they have their issues and own share of problems from various sources. I still remember what he told me and I would like to share it because its often a case with many of us :

" We used to talk a lot, but since we did that way too much, there was nothing else to talk about. So, we decided to part ways.' I think this is but natural, especially in today's century to happen. But first, we must address the issue of why they ran out of things to talk about. I am not saying the conversations have to intriguing and brain storming sessions in particular, because every individual has their ways of expressing things. Even a dumb and deaf person can put forward something to you what a non-dumb and deaf person cannot. Some may not say a word to each other ( a perfect example would be my parents ) but still convey so much.

My friend did converse about it and I am happy to see that he is engaged today to the love of his life. I could not be a happier person...:)

Maybe, its never too late to address the lack of communication existing between two individuals..maybe, if we stand up today and 'investigate' what exactly went wrong, we can avoid loosing a very special someone...At the end of the day, it remains a team effort, something that was imbibed in us since kindergarten but a crucial element for any long relationship to exist..

Random thoughts - a wonderful experiment

I write this at the wee hours of mid-night..sitting all alone here, I am wondering what a day it has been..I have done crazy hours at work today, gone through a crisis and come into terms with myself to resolve it..truly, life is strange..expectations of tomorrow are beautiful..but what happens next moment, we never know..

I want to catch up on many of my lost hobbies..I want to go on a long drive all my myself, play my favorite music, watch my all-time favorite movies ( you must know what they are ),eat my favorite food, catch up with some of my oldest friends, start painting again...I want to experiment new schools of thought and ideologies..

Surprisingly enough, I only do this when I am confused or want to get away from everything...every now and then, I want to live the life of a nomad who has no destination, no aim, no fixed direction..

Experimenting with such random thoughts can be a beauty and a disaster..through them, I have saved myself from several disasters, put myself in situations where I never have been, and also penned down the best thoughts I came across..

I have come to realize how much I enjoy my alone time..while I am a very active social person, I LOVE my alone time...

I sometimes wonder if I did not have specific responsibilities and expectations( we all do ) I would have just traveled the world, meet new people and cultures and be a gypsy in the true sense..would have let go of myself..be a global citizen, learn about NIRVANA and travel to the Himlayas for salvation..:)

I am confused...the reason - in the upcoming posts...

Where did we meet to part this way?

I am a thousand miles apart from you today!

What to do?

Feels like yesterday when I first saw you,

And shared those wonderful memories,

Today I long for them,

But they can't be mine...

I know I did the wrong thing,

But then again life is a strange thing;

If only things were simple and pure as wine,

If only you were mine..

But I miss you..I wish to get you back..don't know..I want to keep the fight for you going on..I love spending time with you..I love talking to you...I love staring at you and watch you smile..I care for you..I want to be there in everything you do..maybe, you will too..

If not, then at least as a friend..

This blog is one of the worst I have ever written!

A table for 8

The weather was gloomy..in a place conventionally known for its Friday night specials..some of my favorite songs..some nice company..some people lost even in the midst of such gala around..

It was a table of 8..some people doing good, some bad, some in the midst of confusion, some hesitating to accept certain facts and make their opinions public..while I was looking around for my special someone and see when will she turn around..

Love is a wonderful thing..its an intoxication..a feeling of a rush of so many emotions at the same time.Its strange. It does make you do and feel things which you might have never experienced before..but when its not the 'bed-of-roses' way, people loose vicinity of even the closest and most precious of things around..

Well, you all might be thinking why I am talking about this today?We all know this since middle school ( thats in today's generation ). NO. Many of us don't and even if we do, we decide not to move on. A table of 8 brought three typical scenarios in front of me and I would cite in relation to that..

Things can be simple, if we want them to be..things can be beautiful, if we choose them to be..what happened to those days when our parents talked about love and did not have a 'commitment phobia'? My dad often interchanges this phrase with our generation, which is very true..

While I am a dreamer, a believer and like to think what my inner soul is telling me, sometimes it is important to think rationally, especially in these dilemmas. It is important to open your eyes wide open and see that the past bad dream has ended and the sun is waiting to rise again in your life in the form of someone..it is important to realize what the other person does for you, sometimes even if it requires moving out of his/her comfort zone..it is important to not hurt anyone's feelings even if she moves far away..it is important to take into account the present and accept certain facts..

Being rational along with the craze for love is a difficult fulcrum to balance..but even if craze should be on the upper hand, rationality should be aside as a shadow...but some wishes remain the figment of an imagination even if they have the potential of being true..We are matured individuals capable of making responsible decisions...

Someone just mentioned last night: " It is important to be with a d******** then only we realize how good the other person is .." Well, I think we all should be in agreement with that statement..

If you love them, let them go...if they come back, they were yours..if not, they never were..

Open your doors to those people who might truly deserve you...life cannot be that harsh after all!

A fragment of an imagination, shattering or making, thats LIFE!

I am starting this blog post in a very unusual way...not my conventional attribute...but only one song is on my mind..one thought..the thought of confusion..No, I get what people think, what people expect..but its so difficult to get yourself across..how many times have you felt like screaming and holding that person's hand saying what you truly feel?

Even if you do, nothing will change...while sometimes there is too much nostalgia, sometimes you can never understand the true value of the 'asset' until it flies away..Past teaches us bitter sweet lessons, but the present is what we live in and the future is what we should be working- an expectation toward a glorious tomorrow...

But life does not function that way...things HAVE to become complicated even it can be simpler if we want to make it work that way...time remains a constant of integration here..in the end, nothing else matters..

Its surprising how I am stuck back 2 years earlier at this moment tonight..I feel exactly in the same spot..No, I am not being an emotional freak...but nothing has changed..something must have gone drastically wrong..

People that I have met, places that I have been, the memories that I have all culminated together forms a huge question mark on my forehead..the question of finding the meaning of a true existence..I thought I found it..but no, I didn't...A tale of sound and fury signifying nothing...

If only the ripples would not have appeared, if only the bird's nest would not have been shattered, if only in a fragment of an imagination everything would not burst into bubbles and tell me it was only a dream..reality is circumstantially different..

If only.....

A feeling,a sensation..a wish...

'Took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love, fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to an instant...' -- Shantaram

I could not agree with these lines more than tonight when I write this blog...I feel something....I feel the cold air just rushing through my heart and soul, I feel the sound of the waves far away..I feel like a sailor without a sail who does not know whether he will outshine the confusion of the waves hitting strongly against the ship...I feel a lot of things...

A sensation of a thunder shock is running through my backbone..cause every time I see you, I become spellbound..because every time I talk to you, I get lost in your dream world..because every time you smile, you brighten my day..because every time you do a cute little thing, I can't take my eyes of you..because every time I see you, I only wish I am with you not today, not tomorrow, but forever and ever...

But the question is...do u feel the same way I do for you? Thats for you to figure out..I am right here waiting for something magic to happen...I wish I had a magic genie...:)))

Because I know baby, no matter what our past was, no matter what we did, the best thing that life offers us is CHOICES...I made you my choice,my destiny...I made you what I crave for...

Come with me to a place where no one else is around..come with me to a place where its only you and me..come with me to somewhere where we share those special moments...let time stop by as if there was no tomorrow..

Can you hear me?This story begins, like anything else, with a woman, a city and maybe a little bit of luck from the ALMIGHTY to get the former..AMEN...

The Seasons in the sun

The leaves are falling all over again, the cold wind gashing into the ear and that slight tickling of the atmosphere hitting us with its seasonal changes...Winter is here with its harsh realities..but it is also a time for the families to look back and Thank God for what HE has given..

Having grown up in a cold part of the country, winter has always been one of my favorite seasons. It has much sweet nostalgia and the reminiscence of it brings along excitement and joy. Not to say all winters in the past 23 years have been worth remembering, but still some of them remain significantly closer.My mom tells me the best winter for her was in 1986, when both me and my twin were born. That winter, there was an aura of happiness considering we are the youngest in the family then. Surprisingly enough, 4 winters later, life was different for them...

I am yet to find out the possibilities coming up this Winter..I see the horizon expanding with its infinite possibilities, I see the sunrise with its mystic beauty dawning yet again...

The quest for some questions will always remain unanswered..but when you 'have climbed the highest mountains,and run and break through the city walls, only to .......

I am glad I found what I am looking for...

A reflection upon me and my perceptions

People evolve constantly with time, surroundings, atmosphere.....Its been two years since I wrote a blog...I have faint, rather bitter sweet memories from my yester years about my blogs then and now...Times have changed, people around changed, romantic involvements changed, relationships changed, people then around who are not here anymore;reality around being a congenial truth..PERCEPTIONS.. the human mind is a beautiful thing and never fails to surprise me....

Change is an integral part of someone's personal development, at least what I think or have learned over the years...Like, for instance, I never thought I would be back here again but I am..My perception of the world has changed and evolved a lot over a period of time..but there must be some other factor which counted in...I am still figuring that out...

Penmanship has also been a subject of great interest...as I have always said, nothing like the beautiful mind blowing over the mind and soul and the pen in constant harmony with it...

To mention, there are much more expectations, responsibilities, quest for questions unanswered..well, who doesn't..all do...

I know I am flying, at least as of now...I have met some wonderful people who care, love and are there for you whenever you need them...I also have something strong for someone...there is a cute hidden beauty.. The seeds have been sown and I am yet to find out if it blossoms into a flower..I wish it does...

Ironic as it is, I left blogging for a similar reason and I am back here experiencing what I haven't in sometime..not to give vent, but to keep count of those sweet incidents every once in a while...

Here's hoping these breath taking moments never end.....