Lack of effective communication

I thought I will continue writing about my confusion at a later time and a later post. But I really wanted to address, rather express my opinions about one effective tool which all human beings are blessed with - Communication.

Since the primitive ages and throughout the evolution of mankind, human beings have progressed increasingly and for the betterment in general. Tools of communicating increased effectively till today where all around the world, we have so many different languages, cultures, people, dialects..styles and ways of living attributes..

Yet, I think one of the primary reasons for a 'civilized' misunderstanding ( thats because we don't live in a century of barbarism ) is the lack of effective communication. I see it everywhere around me, even with me and fail to understand why is it so difficult to put across certain facts, issues in a precise and detailed manner.

We all take classes while in our college years on methods and devices of 'effective' communication.We use them everyday in our lives. We learn since childhood, in any particular language across a particular demographic setting that we were born in, how to put our thoughts across in a clear and precise manner. But why is that whenever it comes to relationships, whether friendly, sometimes even professional ( I cite this from personal experience ) and especially romantic, everything is difficult?

We might not intend to put across exactly that thought to the other person but during the translational phase, many a time, some major thoughts are lost while some redundant ones added. While it might start off as trifle, it tags along the potential of ending up as a major disaster and a situation of crisis. I see this happening everywhere around me, even with my family, particularly as of now and I fail to convince them enough that the truth involved is a matter of variance and is highly relative in nature.

The question now comes to my mind. What is true communication?Telling your significant others how much you care and love for them (n+1) times a day?What you had for lunch?How much of a painstaking effort it is to tolerate your colleagues at workplace?Since we are not celluloid people, most of the time we don't have the most interesting of lives, considering a day-to-day basis. Over the years, this is what I think.

Communication does not stand a stranded one-way street on a deserted night. Flow of thoughts must come in without any friction both ways. I mean I could sit down the entire day and tell her how much I like her and about where this relationship might be going. But it is also important to listen to the other person and what phase of mind/current value (A term used in finance used frequently and I think it fits the subject line here ); without which, maybe everything would be a futile experiment. Many a time, knowingly or unknowingly, we get too involved with ourselves to allow anyone else to 'invade' into our thoughts.

Another thing which I have picked up over the years is the art of listening and hearing people out..not the half truth,but the complete one. Personally, I think its even more important than talking things out. It is very important to voice your opinions and what you think about the entire matter, but its equally important to let them give you an equal shot on their thought process as well.

Solving issues many a time is a collective process rather than on an individual front. We get so engrossed on what is wrong with the other person that instead of solving complexities together, we end up doing it ourselves turning a deaf eye, which, in turn, most often, does not turn to be too good..

No one is perfect. I look at myself and see how many flaws are deeply engraved inside me..some of which I can change, some even if I try, I cannot, because thats how I have just molded as a person at the age of 23...everyone else does too..Its important to pay attention to detail, but bringing the minutest of things into notice is not often the best of choices because what follows after those tiny granules build up is -CHAOS.

I cite this example from one of my best friends throughout. He knew this girl ever since they were born probably and if ever in life I came across a 'Cinderalla-dream love story-come true', that would be the two of them . As in any relationship, they have their issues and own share of problems from various sources. I still remember what he told me and I would like to share it because its often a case with many of us :

" We used to talk a lot, but since we did that way too much, there was nothing else to talk about. So, we decided to part ways.' I think this is but natural, especially in today's century to happen. But first, we must address the issue of why they ran out of things to talk about. I am not saying the conversations have to intriguing and brain storming sessions in particular, because every individual has their ways of expressing things. Even a dumb and deaf person can put forward something to you what a non-dumb and deaf person cannot. Some may not say a word to each other ( a perfect example would be my parents ) but still convey so much.

My friend did converse about it and I am happy to see that he is engaged today to the love of his life. I could not be a happier person...:)

Maybe, its never too late to address the lack of communication existing between two individuals..maybe, if we stand up today and 'investigate' what exactly went wrong, we can avoid loosing a very special someone...At the end of the day, it remains a team effort, something that was imbibed in us since kindergarten but a crucial element for any long relationship to exist..